NEWS FLASH – Election Special

The Brexit belt saw Liberal Democrat Toby “Slowby” White knock out sitting UKIP MEP Jonathan Arnott in the second round. In fact the TKO resulted in Arnott sitting once again, on the canvas, like a baby panda. Political pundits at the time clearly didn’t recognise the prescience of the knockout blow which is widely believe to be the starting gun to rescinding Article 50. It is rumoured that BBC’s John Pienaar is keeping a close eye on London Chessboxing’s next event, Season’s Beatings – Election Special. This event could provide a bookend to the Brexit debate. During the event, organisers will be conducting a beer snake poll to decide who is most likely to win the election 6 days later.

Veteran chessboxer Matt “Crazy Arms” Read, 40, was asked to comment on the upcoming election, “I didn’t really give two hoots about Brexit or the last election so this will be another chance for me to communicate my distain towards the political elite by doing nothing. I have no idea what a beer snake is.” Newcomer and financial journalist, Marc Sidwell was also asked to comment on the election, “I’m all about self-improvement, not self-help, and chessboxing is another step in the right direction. I recently read a book called ‘How to be the best person you can be.’ I learnt how to listen and that a lot of people don’t get self-improvement because they’re lazy idiots. The best way to listen is to pay attention to when the other person is about to stop talking and then just say whatever you want. I’m thinking about writing my own self-improvement book.”

FULL LINE UP

Karl “Ouch” vs Toby “Slowby” White

Nikita “Razor” Evstafiev vs Sakari “Horse Attack” Lähderinne

Otto “Bismarck” Viherä vs Anthony “Toto” Bourached

Matt “Crazy Arms” Read vs Gearoid “Sex Appeal” Veale

Jon “The Bric” Wood vs Marc “The Essex Bomb” Sidwell